Against all odds
by dmurieta
Summary: Ziva David was ready to go back to Israel. Heartbroken, hopeless and loveless... But something happen before she leaves. Tony. Would she be able to tell him how she feels about him? Or she will leave and start a new life.
1. Chapter 1

Chapter 1

I did not want to leave, but there were no options. Parsons had complicated things enough for Gibbs and the rest of the team. I shouldn´t killed Ilan Bodnar, but I had to. He killed my father… Gibbs more than anyone understands, but my actions had consequences that affect all my friends…

Besides I was stupid enough to slept with Alex, that complicates a lot my _"relationship"_ with Tony. He was so sweet, that he even forgave me for it, but something had changed between us, we haven´t talk in weeks and now that I´m leaving… He would never know. I definitely screw things up.

Last week I got a call from Orli that woman has no limits. She offered me a job at Mossad. She wants me to be a sort of international operations manager. I was not sure what does that mean but she was offering me an out and I have no attachments to the U.S., so I take her offer and I´m supposed to fly to Israel within two days.

I packed all the furniture of my apartment and put them on storage in case things don´t worked out, I will love to return to D.C. None of my former co-workers were aware about my trip, and that way was better. I will see them for the last time tomorrow night, my last day in American soil.

I arrived to the bar early so I started with two shots of tequila. Ducky as usual on time, came second, and then Abby, McGee, Gibbs, Palmer and Breena. There were no signs of Tony and I become a little impatient. I want to see him before living tomorrow, but apparently that was not an option.

"McGee, do you know where is Tony?" I asked.

"I talked to him early and apparently he was ill. So he was not sure if he can come over" He said.

"Oh! Anything serious? About that time the tequila was the one who was speaking.

"I don´t think so, he ate something yesterday…"

"Well then. I hope Tony will feel better tomorrow. I will like to invite you over to my home to celebrate my birthday." Ducky said smiling. Damn it, I just forgot it.

"That will be awesome, Ducky" a cheerful Abby almost yelled.

"We´ll be there" Palmer confirmed.

"McGee, Gibbs and I are in" Abby said.

"Ziva?" This time was Gibbs who questioned me. I can´t go, I have an early flight. He was staring at me with that deeply eyes of his. I felt like he was trying to read my mind.

"I´m sorry, Ducky, but as much I love to celebrate your birthday I can´t go. I´m leaving tomorrow to Israel"

"Why are you leaving? You have nothing to do over there" Gibbs told me.

"I have some business to attend." But this explanation was not good enough for him.

"When are you coming back?" Palmer asked.

"I´m not coming back" I said decided, and all their jaws dropped down.

"So you were not going to tell us that you leave tomorrow?" Abby screamed at me.

"No. I wasn´t. I jeopardized my and your careers, and I just can´t do this anymore. I already made my decision and there´s nothing that you can do or say." Tears start dropping down my cheeks.

"But my dear, you have nothing there. Your place it´s here with us, your family" Ducky said so tenderly.

"You will always be my family and I love you guys, but because of my actions McGee, Gibbs and Tony have no job and I just can´t… I promise I come to visit…"

"Everything will be ok. We just have to wait. Please, Ziva." Abby pleaded.

"I have to go, I´m sorry. Please try to understand." I begged them.

Gibbs gave me an apprehensive look but didn´t say anything else.

We finished our night and I had the chance to say goodbye to my love ones.

"Zivers, promise me that you will take care of yourself, and if you ever need anything whatever it is you will call me" That man had become my father in the last eight years… He looked me in the eyes and his features soften.

"I promise." And I hugged him.

I went home heartbroken. I cried until I fall sleep. I woke early, outside still dark. I can only think of Tony. I was hoping for him to call, but nothing happened, and I started crying again as a child. I feel hopeless, loveless… I gave my apartment a last glance trying to capture every little detail in my memory. I waited for the elevator in the empty corridor. And finally when the doors open there he was, Anthony Dinozzo with his characteristic grin waiting for me in the elevator.


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2

"Where are you going sweetcheeks?" He said. Gosh, he looked very handsome on his grey suit and unbuttoned white shirt. I can´t helped to smile at his beautiful grin.

"I´m leaving" I manage to spilled.

"I see but you didn´t answer my question. Whrere are you going?"

"Like you don´t know" I supposed that after dinner yesterday McGee or Abby called him and told him that I was leaving.

"Well, in fact I don´t know" and I could sense the honesty of his voice.

"If you don´t know where I´m going what are you doing here?" I said a little bit confused. I can see that my question makes him uncomfortable.

"Well, I don´t know. I can´t sleep so I take a walk and I ended here." He said.

"You take a walk on a suit and eight hundred dollars shoes?" I yelled at him.

"I guess…" his hesitation was evident. "The thing is that I been thinking of us during these past weeks." He looked me in the eyes and I melted down.

"What were you thinking? I asked and my heart started beating so fast that I think that Tony must heard it.

"Well, you know…" But he stopped abruptly. "This is not a conversation that you´re supposed to have in an elevator door." I nodded.

"So what you wanna do?" I said. And the pounding in my chest increased.

"Perhaps we should go somewhere and talk."

"Tony, I have a plane to catch, and I think that this conversation instead of helping us will hurt us more." He came closer to me and took my hands on his. He put his head down reaching my forehead and closed his eyes and tears started streaming down his features.

"Please, Ziva. Please. Let´s talk. I need to take this out my chest, and if after we talked you feel in your heart that you must have to go, I will take you to the airport I will hug you for the last time and I will let you go." He said opening his emerald eyes.

"Ok" I said. He pushed the down button and wait for the elevator. We got in it in silence, our hands still laced.

"Where are we going, Tony?"

"To my place, I suppose you have nothing to eat in your apartment, and I´m hungry" he smiled.

His Mustang was parked right outside. The trip was short, at 4:00 a.m. there were not many cars in the streets. He didn´t said anything, but he did not let go my hand and from time to time he kissed it. The sun was rising when we arrived to his place. He opened the door for me and took my hand, his hand was soft and warm and somehow I feel hope.

He smiled at me while we were at the elevator and came closer to me. He pushed the emergency button, and we stopped. He took me in his arms, and kissed me on the lips, and I could feel his anxious, his pain, his desire, his love… I pulled him closer to me and kissed him back with the same desperation. I don´t know how long we were like that, but to me it was like ages. He broke the kiss gently, touching my cheeks with the back of his hand, and he started smiling and sighs in relief.

Tony opened the door of his home to me and let me in first. I seated in the nearest couch and he seated in front of me.

"So…" I said after a few minutes of awkward silence. He kept staring at me, like if he was trying to listen to my thoughts.

"I will reheat a pizza do you want some? Pepperoni, as you like. Can I get you something to drink?" This man has the power of melt me with a kiss and three seconds later annoy me by his lack of seriousness.

"Tony, you brought me here, because we need to talk and now you´re talking about food!" I yelled.

"That´s right and I also told you I was hungry. So do you want a slice of pizza or not? Do you or do you not want a glass of wine? He yelled back and we both started laughing.

"Fine" I said finally. "I will like a slice of pizza and a glass of Chardonnay, please."

"Good. I´ll be back in a few minutes. Make yourself at home." He walked towards the kitchen. I stared at his unusually big collection of movies. I never noticed it before and I been here uncountable amount times. I will missed our movie nights even though sometimes I don´t even like those films, I loved Tony´s company.

He was back with a large pizza, two glasses and a bottle of my favorite Chardonnay. His mouth was full when he tried to talk.

"Now we can talk" he hisses.

"Please don´t be a pig, chew, swallow and then talk!"

"Ziva, I love you but sometimes you are a pain in the ass" I was shocked with his confession and something in my face must show it to him. I waited for him to take it back, but he didn´t. I took a sip of wine and stayed speechless.

"If you are waiting for me take that back. It won´t happen. I love you Ziva, and this was not the way I planned to tell you but…" He took a sip of his wine and leaned back. He was waiting for me to say something but words don´t come out. I was freeze.

"Ok… that was not the reaction that I was looking for but… Let me explained to you." I nodded as a sign for him to continue. He got up from his seat and walked to the stereo, a sad voice started to sing a song that I never heard before.

"_Trying hard to speak and fighting with my weak hand. Driven to distraction. So part of the plan. When something is broken and you try to fix it. Trying to repair it. Any way you can. I´m diving on the deep end you become my best friend. I wanna love you but I don´t know if I can…"_

"X&Y by Coldplay" He said aware of my confusion. "This song reminds me a lot of you. You are my best friend, but I am in love with you too and I´m not sure if this is going to worked out. I´m afraid of losing my friend but I can´t stand any asshole around you… It´s all fucked up"

"I don´t understand, Tony. You can´t stand me! We´re always fighting each other. I am definitely not the kind of girl that you are used to go out!" I yelled trying to make sense… He crossed the space that separates us and got close to me.

"I know, that it doesn´t make sense. Do you remember when you were kidnapped and I traveled half world to find you?" I nodded. "Do you remember what I told you when you asked what was I doing there?"

"That you can´t live without me" I said and he smiled.

"When you and Michael were together I was jealous, I didn´t know back then, but I was. At first I thought that it was because he was your former partner, but when I killed him and I saw the pain that I cause you in your eyes, I understood what all was about. When Gibbs told us that you were dead, I started a research, I couldn´t believe it. So I started tracking Saleem, I knew you were tough enough to handle anything. It kills me cause if you were dead it was because of me, because I took Michael from you…" Tears were all over his face. "God, when I found you I was able to breathe again, when you come to the bathroom and talked to me… That´s when I fall in love with you. After our night in Paris I realized that I couldn´t live without you."

My mind traveled to that night in Paris, in a little hotel room, with just one bed. I couldn't let him sleeping on the floor and since we already shared a bed when we were undercover I allowed him to sleep in the bed with me. In the middle of the night I woke up and I realized that I was in his arms, my first thought was to pull me out of him, but I felt that I belonged there and I let him hold me.

"I woke up and you were in my arms, and you seem so peaceful, so beautiful." He continues. "I thought that after that night we might have a chance, but EJ and Ray appeared and we became best friends. When Ray told me that he wanted to propose to you I almost want to kill him… When your dad died all I wanted to do was hold you, love you, but you wouldn´t let me in. You got Schmill, the man of steel. I was hoping that you asked me to go with you, but you didn´t. In Berlin I thought …but then Parsons came with the story about Adam and you in Israel and we both know how that ended" He paused.

"I am so sorry, Tony. Really I am. You were always there for me, and I didn´t have idea about your feelings. I thought you see me as your friend or as a sister…"

"Ziva, I don´t care about what happened before. I care about will happen tomorrow. I want you, all of you. I´m here asking you for a chance. I know you're leaving and I know you very well to know that you will not return. So if I have to go to the end of the world to be with you I will do it. I just need to know that I have a chance." He pleaded and I can´t content myself anymore. This time I was the one he kissed him hard. I snaked my hands through from his hair to his back and chest. I want this man. I want him for the last eight years and after all that had happen I finally had an opportunity that I will not miss. He broke the kiss gently and hugged me, his embrace was warm and soft and I realize that I was home. He stayed like that for a while.

"_Ani ohevet otkhah"_ I whispered in his ear.

"_Gam ani ohev otax_. I thought I will never be able to say that to you" He said and we both started laughing.


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter 3

"So what are we going to do?" He asked. I was sitting on his lap. My head was resting in his shoulder and I was lost in his scent.

"I don´t know. Tony. I still have to go to Israel" I said.

"Israel? What for?" Confusion was all over his features.

"Yes, after the latest events… Orli called me, and she offered me help. At first I didn´t want to take anything from her or Mossad, but she insisted a lot and she tried so hard to apologize that I finally gave up. So she offered me a job and I took it. I was supposed to travel to Israel today, though I´m not sure if I will make it to the airport." I explained.

"I will love that you lose your plane." He said grinning.

"It doesn´t matter. I could take another plane. I have to go. I have to go home." He looked even more confused now.

"Ziva, this is home!" he whispered in my ear.

"I know this is home, but Israel is home too and for some reason that´s where I wanted to be right now. I´m sorry, I didn't mean to hurt you." I apologize. I looked at him and confusion was replaced for pain and suffering. His beautiful eyes seemed defeated. I wanted to stay but for some reason it didn't felt right.

"Ok, then" He said finally and tried to get up and took me from surprise. I got up from his lap and stand in front of him.

"Do you want me to take you to the airport?" He offered. His features suddenly changed from pain to angriness.

"No. It´s fine, I could take a cab." I declared. I was a little upset though. I was trying to be honest and he was mad because I don´t want to stay? He immediately detected it.

"Are you angry?" He accused. Tears started falling through my face.

"Yes I am!" I yelled

"WHY?" He shouted

"You told me that we will talk and if after we talked I still wanted to leave, you will let me go!" I screamed.

"I did. I just didn´t think that after we talked you will still want to leave. I thought…" he paused. "I thought that you will finally were going to let me love you, but apparently you don´t want me as much as I want you…"

"What´s that suppose to mean? That I don´t love you!" "You are wrong it´s because I love you so much that I rather go to Israel than stay here and hurt ´cause I know that´s how it will end if I stay. I cried. "You don´t have an idea of how much I love you. How much I care for you. How much I wanna be with you… It´s almost more painful than leaving you." I walked to the door and opened it.

"Please let me take you to the airport." He begged and I couldn´t resisted. I knew it was bad but I wanted to have him for as long as I can.

"Ok." I accepted. He took my hand in his and laced my fingers to his. He led me through the corridor and pushed the button for the elevator. We waited in silence looking at each other.

He drove through the deserted highway in complete silence. He glanced at me from time to time, and kissed my hand sweetly. I wanted to shoot myself, but I have to protect him, from me.

He parked the car in the terminal entrance. He opened the door for me and took my suitcase from the trunk.

He looked me in the eyes with his stunning eyes and I couldn´t help it. I started to cry like a child. This was awful and the most painful thing I ever had to do in my life. It didn´t even compared to the decision of killing my own brother… He pulled me to his arms and hugged me.

"Hush, baby. Please don't cry." He said tenderly to my ear. I couldn't stop sobbing. I do not deserve this man. How can I deserve him? How was even possible that he loves me? God, please, make me strong so I can go, that´s the only thing the crossed my mind.

"It´s gonna be ok." He whispered at my ear. "I will wait for you, Ziva. I will wait for you as much as I have to." "I will always love you."

"No, Tony. I don´t want you to wait for me. I want you to be happy. I want you to look for love. I want you to be loved." A shadow of incredibility appeared in his face.

"I can´t. I won´t. " He stated. "I love you, Ziva. Only you. You are my happiness. You are my love. You are all I want to have. You are my everything. What do I need to do for you to understand?" He yelled.

"Please, don´t wait for me. I am not coming back. As much as I love you, Tony I want you to be happy. I will always love you." I hugged him as if my life depended on it. I made a trail of little kisses from his ear until I met his lips and then I kissed him desperately, passionately with all the love that I was feeling in that exact moment. I broke the kiss abruptly letting him wanting more. I took my suitcase and I started to run as hard as I can towards the doors.

Tears where all over my face and I was unable to look back. I couldn´t face him, but I also couldn´t afford losing him. I have the certainty that if I stay with him I will drift him apart. I had done that before, Michael, Ray, Adam and my father were just a few of those examples. I know that this isn´t what Tony was hoping for, neither do I, but this was for the best. I was sure about it.


End file.
